Seasons of the heart
by p3h20
Summary: Sometimes love can not be controlled or contained no matter how hard you try. B&D story. Set mid end season 4.


Disclaimer; I don't own any thing of BH 90210 cause if I did own it Brenda and Dylan would have ended up together like they should have.

One hitter

Summary: Sometimes love can not be controlled or contained no matter how hard you try.

B&D story. Set mid /end season 4.

**Seasons of the heart**

Brenda Walsh yawned widely while getting out of Bed. It would be the first time this semester that she would go to class after the whole ordeal with Stuart. Looking back at it, she realized how stupid and naive she was thinking that marrying Stuart would be the solution to cancel out her feelings for Dylan. Yet in spite the fact that they did not marry she did not have the heart to break up with him and they decided to take things slowly for the time being. She walked over to the bathroom that she shared with Brandon and knocked hard on the door to remove her brother out of it. He always accused her of staying to long in the bathroom but that was the pot calling the kettle black, in reality he stayed in the bathroom much longer then she ever did. Sometimes he could be such a hypocrite.

'Brandon!! Please hurry up will you? I have classes in a hour' She said loudly enough so he could hear her over the running water.

For a moment everything stayed quite inside the bathroom, but then she heard him unlocking the door on her side of the room and saw his wet head popping out of it.

'Well I'm stunned!' He said while rubbing out his eyes in disbelieve

My sister Brenda Walsh finally decided to go to class his semester I've got to call Ripley's believe it or not' He said with an air of sarcasm.

Sometimes she just hated Brandon especially when he acted like this, she was really not in the mood to listen to his sarcastic rant today. Usually she just let it just slight of her or taking him back with his own words but somehow today she felt to tiered to do so.

'Well maybe you should call him, at least then you would be out of the damm bathroom'. She rebutted him slightly irritated.

'Wow don't eat me. Got out of the wrong side of the bed today didn't you?' He asked with a voice filled with mocking concern. He knew that he should not push it any further if he not wanted to suffer her wrath today. He sighed.

'I'll be right out he said' with mocking defeat.

Which earned him the reaction of Brenda rolling her eyes and turning her back on him to collect her clothes. He moved out of the bathroom wondering what was bothering Brenda. He wanted to ask her but before he could say anything she closed the door to his side of the room and locked it. He sighed again. He could not put his finger on it exactly but ever since they

went to college he and Brenda in some ways had grown apart and it really bothered him. Brenda was so different from him she was stubborn, extremely wilful, and sometimes she could be very impulsive, naïve, overdramatic and even borderline irrational but at the same time she had strong moral ethics and convictions and she valued her honour and integrity. The combination of this all made him love her so much but lately he was beginning to think that this was maybe also the reason why they where growing apart. Brenda was the kind of girl that when she got something in her head she went for it regardless what other people thought of it, and she let nothing stop her from achieving her dreams and her goals. Yes sometimes he envied her so much for being able to do so he was more the person that got sucked in to rituals and routine and was unable to fully dedicate himself to his dreams he was simply to scared to take chances unlike Brenda who jumped at every chance she got he craved for more stability then she did . He sighed one last time and walked over to his closet to pick out his clothes for today.

Brenda stood in the shower and let the warm water caress her back and closed her eyes she knew that she was wrong for lashing out at Brandon like that but sometimes he just asked for it. Her relationship with him had definitely changed. She use to was able to tell him anything but for some reason that had slowly but steadily changed. She did not exactly know when it had happened but they for not as close as they used to be and it seemed lately that she was less able to tolerate his sometimes sarcastic sense of humour. Brandon was so different from her. He was much more down to earth then she was he could sometimes be self-righteous and hypocritical, but at the same time he was nice and kind hearted a regular good guy a true and loyal friend. And she loved him deeply but why then was she so unable to stop them from growing apart? It made her feel lonely a feeling that had engulfed her allot lately come to think of it she felt that she was growing apart from the whole gang not just Brandon It felt like she was growing in a entirely different direction from the rest of them exception of one . Suddenly she reminded something Iris McKay had once said to her. _'Sometimes people need to grow apart before they can grow together again more closely then they ever have been'_. She knew that Iris was right this was exactly what happened between her and Dylan. They had fallen apart a little over a year ago but now there connection was so strong that it seemed unbreakable. The funny thing was that they now where just friends even do deep down in her heart she wanted more the friendship from Dylan for the time being it was ok just as it was right now they where in a happy and secure place right now plus they where both seeing other people right now it would not be right to pursue more then friendship with Dylan. She suddenly felt a jolt of happiness with the idea that she would see Dylan in less then an hour. He to had enlisted for romantic poetry al do her choice of the subject was not entirely voluntarily but since she did not got the classes that she initially wanted she just had to suck it up. The only thing that made it bearable was Dylan for some reason he was able to pull her through it and always made her laugh with his imitations of Dr. Petty there romantic poetry teacher.

She got out of the shower dried and dressed herself before she made her way downstairs for some quick breakfast.

In his house Dylan McKay just moaned at the sound of his alarm clock that went of for the fifth time. He still felt a bit drowsy and unsteady on his feet when he slowly made his way to the bathroom. The only thing good about Monday mornings was the notion that he had romantic poetry class with Brenda. Just the thought of being in close proximity of her made it worth to get out of bed. It was a feeling that he never had felt with anybody else it was scaring but at the same time comforting. He could not remember loving anybody the way he loved Brenda Walsh she was everything he ever dreamed for in a girl yet she wasn't his…..well at least not anymore, he suddenly felt sick. She had rejected him and he went to her best friend Kelly instead he had not planned it hell deep in his heart he did not even had wanted it but he was afraid of being alone. The stupid thing was that he not even loved her. In one way she was just a pitiful constellation price something that made sure he was not alone only he quickly realized that not being alone did not meant not being lonely. There was only one person in the world who was able to take that feeling away but she still wasn't his. He knew it was unfair to Kelly and that he did not treat her like he should. But in someway he could not really care. He knew it was mean and cold but he could not stop feeling this way. He simply loved Brenda Walsh he always had loved her and he knew he always will love her no matter what he knew she was the one for him. In some ways she was his tantalise torment she was so close but yet so far out of his reach. It was not like he had not tried to get her back but she had him turned him down both times he tried. He remembered how hurt he felt when she turned him down yet it had not stopped him trying. He even had signed up for the same classes he knew she was in just to be close to her. He had asked the lady at the sign up desk what classes Brenda Walsh followed the women of course was reluctant to give him that information but he coached her in such a way that she finally caved and give him the information he so desperately wanted . He laughed at himself love could make people do foolish things.

Dylan went back to his room and got dressed he decided to have some breakfast at the campus cafeteria. He went to his car and drove of.

Brenda put her books down next to her while she prepared for Dr. Petty's boring recitals of Blake, Shelley, Byron, Keats, Coleridge and a seriously deranged William Wordsworth. And that where just the English poets they had not even started on the French or the Americans!! The thought alone give her a sincere headache. She opened her book that lay on her desk in front of her and began to read _'Spots of time'_ from Wordsworth's 'Prelude' with some aversion, but before she knew it she was engulfed by his words.

Dylan quickly made his way to the classroom with two hot cups of coffee in his hands. When he got there he saw Brenda sitting at her desk she was reading with a look of pure concentration on her face. For a moment he could not move and he felt that his hand palms started to get sweaty and his breath started to stock. The rational part in his head was amazed at how strong the grip was that Aphrodite held on him. Just looking or thinking of Brenda stirred al kind of feelings up inside of him. He would sell his soul to the devil himself if he could just hold her or kiss her sweet lips. The voice of Dr. Petty trying to enter the classroom brought him back to his senses.

'If you keep staring like that at Ms Walsh you will burn a whole right through her, Love his a powerful thing Mr McKay be careful with it'. He whispered softly at Dylan and then greeted him with a warm smile.

'Is it that obvious?' Dylan asked him rhetorically with a soft voice.

Dr. Petty smiled and nodded at him before making his way to his desk.

Dylan walked over to Brenda still holding the cups in his hands.

'Hi' He said with a raspy voice.

With a shock Brenda looked up from Wordsworth and stared right into his brown eyes she always could get lost in his eyes. Dylan's eyes could tell her anything she wanted to know about him they where truly the windows to his soul. This time they where warm and full of love she felt her heart twitch. For a moment they where mesmerized by each others presence. It was Dylan who spoke again.

'I brought you some coffee, some caffeine will make sure you get to this class in one piece.' He said jokingly.

Brenda smiled at him.

'No Dylan _you _are going to make sure I get through this class in one piece, but thanks for the coffee' She joked back.

Dylan sat down at the desk next to her and starred at her again. While Brenda began to read her book again. He could just stare at her for hours she was the most beautiful women he had ever seen. She suddenly looked up at him again and softly smiled at him. He wondered he she knew what effect she had on him. His wondering was interrupted by the voice of Dr. Petty.

'Mr. McKay I think it is your turn to recite a romantic poet of your own choice, please come and stand in front of us and tell who you have selected and why you have chosen this particular poem'. Dr. Petty spoke.

A jolt rushed through Dylan's body and he got up. He scrapped his throat and looked a t Brenda for a second who look at him expectantly.

'I have chosen William Blake's loves secret. The reasons why are kind of personal' Dylan said with a soft voice.

'Well then we wont push you to hard for it just give us a general idea why'. Petty said with an expected voice.

Dylan sighed.

'Because is perfectly explains what love is; Gentle, sacred , fragile yet strong at the same time. If you express it to outright to the object of your affection you risk losing the person you love to another' Dylan said with a soft voice and starred silently at his hands.

'Perfect! This could be an excellent discussion point. Well Mr McKay read away' Dr. Petty said with a chipper voice.

Dylan began to read the poem from his book not daring to look up at Brenda.

**Loves Secret by William Blake**

_**Never seek to tell thy love,  
Love that never told can be;  
For the gentle wind does move  
Silently, invisibly.**_

_**I told my love, I told my love,  
I told her all my heart;  
Trembling, cold, in ghastly fears,  
Ah! she did depart!**_

_**Soon as she was gone from me,  
A traveller came by,  
Silently, invisibly  
He took her with a sigh.**_

After he finished the poem the class applauded loudly. And an interesting discussion about the exact meaning of the poem broke lose that lasted the remainder of the time. At the end of the class Dr. Petty stood up and announced the assignments for next week. A 20 page paper about the difference between English romantic poets and the American romantic poets, on top of the 80 pages they had to read about the French romantic poets. Brenda moaned in desperation.

'I'm doomed! I will never be able to complete al these assignments I think I never be able to tell what the difference is between Poe and Shelley.' She complaint while walking next to Dylan in the hall way.

He smiled at her.

'That is what you get if you are running around the entire semester with a Stuart Carson' Dylan said jokingly but the idea that she was with someone else was slowly suffocating him.

'I just never connected with this stuff' Brenda said in defence.

'Bren obviously you did you ran of to Las Vegas to marry I guy you only known for 5 minutes' Dylan tried to say it jokingly but was unable to keep a hint of resentment out his voice.

'It was 5 weeks' Brenda said again in defence she had to suppress the urge to apologise to him.

'Whatever' Dylan rebutted

'I'm telling you Dylan, it all was just words to me' Brenda replied back a little desperate.

'Well you could come over to my house this afternoon so we can sort it out' He tried to say it as casual as he could but internally prayed that she would say yes. The idea of being alone with Brenda made him extremely excited almost euphoric.

'Yesss that would be great' Brenda replied back happy 'At least now I have an honest chance of making this class'.

'Tell you what we swing by to the Peach Pitt take some lunch to go and then go to my place and engulf ourselves in the in the wonderful world of poetry' Dylan said the last part mimicking Dr. Petty's voice.

Brenda looked at him and began to laugh. Nobody in the world could make her laugh the way Dylan could.

'Sounds like a great idea'. She replied him back happily

'Good then it is settled lets go ' Dylan replied and put his arm around her back.

30 minutes later they ordered 2 mega burgers with chilli to go. Which left Nat a little disappointed he had hoped at some company from his kids but he understood how demanding college could be. He could not help to noticed that Dylan only was truly happy when he was hanging around with Brenda and vice versa. He knew that this in the end meant that trouble was brewing in the nearby further.

Brenda and Dylan arrived and Dylan's place. And Brenda was pleasantly surprised to see that his house was clean and tidy. Dylan got the look on her face and give he a smile while taking out two plates from his kitchen cupboards.

'I figured that you where going to need allot of help catching up after your little adventure with Mr Carson so I cleaned up the place in advance I know how much of a clean freak you are' Dylan said mockingly.

'Well I thank you for your clairvoyant vision but I'm not that bad' She mocked back at him. She could not help feeling a little ticked of by his remarks on Stuart

'Your not? Well if you had told me in advance it would have saved me allot of work' Dylan rebutted.

'Well I thought since you are clairvoyant and everything you must have figured that out on your own'. Brenda replied him back with an air of mocking superiority.

'Touché' replied back smiling at her and handed her the plate with the mega burger.

Brenda said down on his couch and began to eat. Dylan sat down next to her.

'So how are things with Stuart?' Dylan asked causally while closely studying Brenda's face hoping that it would give him some more information. He secretly hoped that they had broken up already. But Brenda's reply send this hope sinking.

'Things are going fine; we both decided that the whole wedding thing was way to soon but that we are not ready to give up the relationship yet so we have decided to take things slowly. Why do you ask?' Brenda replied back at him a little curious.

'Why cant a guy ask how his best friend is doing in the love department?' Dylan replied her back still trying to sound causal. But he wasn't sure if he believed her answer. But maybe that was wishful thinking on his part.

'Of course you can' Brenda said back smiling. 'So how are things with Kelly going' She asked turning around the conversation.

Dylan was silent for awhile he knew that he would be lying if he said that things where fine but then again he wasn't sure if Brenda told him the truth about her and Stuart either he knew it was childish but some how he was not willing to give her the satisfaction that he and Kelly where falling apart. Plain stupid if he thought of it Brenda was the girl he wanted in the first place and knowing that he was available might help to get her back. He internally twitched. Who was he kidding even when he was available she did not want him she was the one that kept rejecting him without a proper reason which made he feel even more inadequate . He felt a surge of anger inside him. Besides what did it matter anyway she was able to see through him as if he was a piece of glass.

'They are fine' he finally managed to say without much conviction and with an air of finality.

Brenda knew by his answer that the subject was closed and she knew Dylan to well to push it further if he wanted to talk about it he would do it in his own time.

'Good' She said while smiling weakly at him. 'Now about those romantic poets' She changed the subject to realise the tension that had gotten a hold of them.

Dylan starred at her for awhile he wanted to tell her everything, how much he loved her and how much he had missed her, but he knew he could not do that.

'Yes those romantic poets' He said he smiled at her weakly 'How about we start with Shelley? That is an easy one' He said.

'Fine with me' Brenda replied him back and took her book from the table.

Dylan moved closer to her so he could read with her. He could not believe his eyes when he read the first poem Love's Philosophy where the gods of faith and destiny tormenting him on purpose? Forcing him to proclaim his true feelings to Brenda? He scraped his throat and looked at Brenda completely unable to utter the words of the poem himself.

'Maybe you would like to read…. You have the book in your hands it is more practical this way' He lied it bought him time to put the lid back on his emotions.

Brenda began to read;

**Love's Philosophy Percy Bysshe Shelley**

_**The fountains mingle with the river,  
And the rivers with the ocean;  
The winds of heaven mix forever  
With a sweet emotion;  
Nothing in the world is single;  
All things by a law divine  
In another's being mingle--  
Why not I with thine?**_

_**See, the mountains kiss high heaven,  
And the waves clasp one another;  
No sister flower could be forgiven  
If it disdained its brother;  
And the sunlight clasps the earth,  
And the moonbeams kiss the sea;--  
What are all these kissings worth,  
If thou kiss not me?**_

The words of the poem touched Brenda's very soul it amazed her that someone who lived in a complete other time as she and Dylan was able to describe there relationship to the T. It showed that star crossed lovers where timeless. She looked up at Dylan and saw that his eyes where unusually bright he immediately looked down and stared at his hands for a moment.

'The meaning of the poem' He began in a horse voice before looking up at Brenda again and starred right in to her grey/green eyes. Those eyes they always had him mesmerized they let him stare right into Brenda's soul yet they could also be closed and so mysterious.

Suddenly he could not hide anything for her anymore she needed to know how he felt exactly he had tried to tell her that they on the pier but she had cut him off this time he would made sure she knew.

'Brenda why are you not mine?' He asked with a trembling voice.

Brenda stared at him feeling his heart reaching out to her. Who was she kidding her relationship with Stuart was a joke. She loved Dylan she had always loved Dylan why them kept she rejecting him? She could not bring herself to answer to that question yet. It was to intimate and to personal it reached the essence of her personality and it made her feel weak.

She would dodged it again just like she did that day on the pier hoping that Dylan would swallow it again.

'I don't want to ruin the friendship and feeling we have now' She began.

'So you rather hide behind feelings of friendship and pretend that there is nothing more while we both no that is an outright lie.' Dylan rebutted now determent to get her back.

'Dylan please….' Brenda replied with tears in her eyes but her attempts to appease him failed miserably.

'Why do you keep rejecting me?' Dylan asked slightly desperate

'You and Kelly' Brenda began but Dylan cut her of.

'Brenda please.. we both know that it has nothing to do with Kelly nor with Stuart for that matter it has to with us…..with you' Dylan said sounding still desperate.

Brenda finally caved.

'I'm Scared' She said sadly.

From al the answers Dylan had anticipated this one was no where on the list.

'Scared of what of me for the reaction of parents?' Dylan questioned

'No Dylan I'm scared of me… of my feelings for you. I cant handle them Dylan every time I'm with you I can't control myself anymore I can only think of you of us and everything else becomes irrelevant, I have hurt and lied to people because of that Dylan. When I'm with you I'm loosing myself'. Brenda said now crying.

Dylan was astonished by her answer he had never had expected it.

All he could do was hold her comfort her he softly rocked her up and down. It felt so natural her sent had such a calming effect on him.

' I know what you mean my feelings for you scared me to at first I to could not handle them but I have learned that I can not oppress them love doesn't let herself be oppressed. I know that now and I have learned to embrace it'. Dylan said with a calming voice.

'I don' no how Dylan I don't know if I can.' Brenda sounded still desperate but she also felt her defences breaking in his arms she was loosing herself in him again.

'Yes you can Bren trust me you can.' He said and softly kissed her in her neck it happened automatically it was just so natural.

Brenda responded to his kisses and things quickly turned passionate. Dylan lifted her up from the couch and they quickly moved to his bedroom still kissing each other passionately Dylan lay her down on his bed where they finally completely give in to there love consummated it once again. Maybe the old romantic poets where right after all no matter how much you tried to hide from it or tried to control it. In the end love was like a tumultuous river that could not be contained she would always keep streaming through her destined path.

12


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